The amazing thing about love

I've had so many disappointments, so many betrayals. So many reasons to give up on people. Why love them when they don't love back?

I look to the saints and I have to ask the same question: they suffered more than I have, been disappointed more than I have, been betrayed by others more than I have. And yet they were so happy.

How can they be happy when it's suffering that makes them holy?? It just doesn't make sense.

Blessed Chiara was nicknamed Chiara "Luce" because of the inner light she always seemed to have within her.

(Just a side-note: "Chiara" means "much" or "a lot" in Italian, and "Luce" means light. Together her name means "Much Light".)

She suffered a lot. She died when she was only 18 from bone cancer. She had dreams and plans and she knew she wasn't going to get better. There was an inner struggle at times but early on Chiara decided to let God take control. "I want what You want" was her daily motto.

One day, a Bishop who came to visit her, asked, "Your eyes are amazing! What is it that makes them light up so?"

Her simple response was, "I try to love a lot."

This past week, I have contemplated those words. I think about them a lot. They have gotten me through those rough times when I want to give up and head down the road of self-pity and stay there.

 I wonder what it is about self-pity; why we are so attracted to it. And I know: it is because it's a place where it's ok to be angry because there is a lot of self-justification. It's the place where we are right and everyone else is wrong. And we aren't required to forgive, because people don't deserve our forgiveness. There is no work involved in self-pity, it's all coasting. And it feels pretty darn good.

But there is no peace there. My hurt just kept going round and round in my head. All the memories of past hurts also start to haunt me, all the people who have let me down somehow. It's amazing how the devil will round all that stuff up for you, he is so efficient.

There is no rest or healing in self-pity and the biggest reason is that there is no love there. How can there be, when all you do is push others away for fear or anger or justification?

And so Blessed Chiara's words make a lot of sense to me, as do St.Mother Theresa, The Little Flower and anyone else who is a saint.

Because there is no such thing of a saint who hasn't suffered to the extent of some sort of spiritual martyrdom. Yet how did they get through it, how did they have love and joy?

It's something to ponder. Something to munch on.

Not something we can figure out in one day, but rather, a lifetime.

It's the mystery of God's love for us. And the love we must use for one another. Despite the fact that they have hurt us, haven't loved us, haven't said they were sorry or forgiven us in return.

And somehow, we will find joy in loving them anyway.

I'm not saying I've got it all figured out. I'm just saying it's amazing to think about.