Well, I had said that I was going to stay off of Facebook for at least a week and it's now over a week. I don't miss it a bit. Well, maybe a tiny bit. But not like before.
The sadness, the hurt, the loneliness is gone. I don't know if these feelings came from Facebook alone, but I think the fact that "no one was there" when "everyone was there" brought these negative feelings to the surface.
The first few days or so were pretty tough. It was almost like a cleansing, or even a detox of getting rid of something that I depended so highly on. But even going through the pain of detachment, I knew that something inside of me was starting to heal.
I know I can't blame Facebook alone for my insecurities--and I can't blame people either. True, "people" tend to be self-centered and focused on their own life, they tend to choose themselves before they think of others. It's true of myself as well. But never would I want to become so bitter that I would blame everyone for my feelings. I know that the biggest reason for feeling as I did was my dependency on others to build me up, lift me up, hear me out, console me. It's not realistic or healthy. It's not balanced.
Once the sadness and loneliness began to lift up, I began to feel so much better about myself. I felt stronger, more secure. I don't need people to help me feel good about myself. My life feels like my own again--not something I have to share so intimately and put my trust in others that they will be as astounded by my life as I am--and disappointed that they're not.
Even in this short week, my faith in God has been strengthened, as He is the only one left--has always been the Only One. It's sad how we clutter up our lives so much that we can no longer see Him.
My focus has changed a bit too. I want a clean house. Not for self-gratification (I personally hate cleaning), but I've found how much better I do in a clean house. Things are more organized; things go more smoothly. Dennis too, is in a better mood in a clean house. He hates disorder. But it's a work in progress. It takes a lot of self-discipline ("I will take a break after I get the dishes done" and "I'll finish this job before I do that one.") and commitment from myself. I'm so easily distracted while I'm working that one job gets started but never finished which also wastes a lot of time and energy.
Every time I find myself bored, wanting to surf the Internet or go on Facebook (I have a few times, I Am pleased to say that I am bored with it. And I never posted anything.) I study instead. I have sored in my studies--almost done with my second phase already! I will be training before I know it!
So life without Facebook is going well. It is easier. More orderly. Simpler. Less drama, less stress. And even though my social circle has gotten considerably smaller, somehow, I'm not lonely at all.
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