I won't lie, loneliness is setting in again. Sometimes the temptation to try to "connect" is great. But a reminder that no one is there, no one cares, usually talks me out of it.
Oh I hate sounding so pathetic. I hate sounding so weak. What forty-something woman talks like this?? ?It's like a part of me is still stuck in junior high.
But today I realized something. Dennis was in a bad mood today and it really bothered me. He was pretty cranky and took it out on me and the kids. Nothing horrible. I'm just not used to seeing him like that.
It was hard for me to be ok with that. I'm not used to Dennis being the moody one. For those short hours, it felt like he didn't like me. And it really hurt.
That's when it hit me how much I rely on others to feel good about myself. It's no wonder I fall into depression so often and easily. I build my house on sand, on people who are not much more secure than I am--who are hurting too.
That's another reason why I have to stay off of Facebook. (And possibly the most important reason of all.) It literally is all about attention-seeking for me. It's unhealthy and imbalanced. No wonder I have felt so unfulfilled.
And so that's how Day 4 went today. Sort of a hard and lonely day, but understanding myself a little bit better.
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